“When it’s too Hard to Look Back and You’re too Afraid to Look Ahead, Look Right Beside You and I’ll be There.”
~Author Unknown
Recently, I lost my beloved little black poodle, Koa. She was my first fur baby that was only mine. Treating her like she was my child because I never had children of my own was vitally important for me as a childless woman. She was my everything, she filled that nurturing nature in my heart.
The reason I found Koa was because I needed this hole inside of me filled from the desire to be a mother; raising and nurturing Koa helped fill some of that hole. Before I was gifted with this gentle spirit, I felt a sense of emptiness, my mothering side felt unfulfilled, I was sad and yearned for something or someone to love, to hold, and to care for.
I had just broken off from a steady relationship with my longtime partner and I truly thought that he was “the one”, someone I had hopes of marrying and having a family with. When it ended, I felt completely devastated. I was filled with so much sadness and disappointment. I was 30 years old, and all I could hear was the maternal clock ticking away. For me, I didn’t want to be a single mother, I wanted children with a partner. My “Disneyland” dream was to have someone to share all the laughs, tears, memories, responsibilities, vacations, seeing our children grow, and growing old together with grandchildren. So, at 32 years of age, while still healing what had been lost within this fantasized family dream, I decided to create my fur family.
I had no idea that the love of such a tiny animal could fill my heart. Koa was only 10 lbs but she filled a room with her love and spirit. She was the most beautiful energy you could ever imagine! The way her eyes could speak to you, the way she used body language to communicate what she was feeling brought so much joy to my world. Koa was strong, selfless, loving, energetic, magnetic, and a presence never to be forgotten. If you could have met her, she would have melted your heart. It was as if she could truly “see” you and your soul.
That’s the beautiful thing about our fur babies, they unconditionally love us and instinctively know exactly what we need at every moment throughout our day. They know when to sit and cuddle next to us, they know when to run and hide, they know when to stand guard, they know when it’s time to play, sing (bark, meow, chirp, purr, croak, LOL!), and dance. Sometimes, I think they know us better than we even know ourselves. They tell us our mood when we aren’t even aware, but they know, they feel and sense our energy. What a blessing every animal and every creature is to us. A gift to be cherished for a season in our lives.
And this is why it is so difficult to say goodbye and to move on once they leave our world. It’s never the same, but then again, I would do it all over to have the memories and love I received from being her “‘fur mama.” The emptiness I feel now is not the same as what I felt before I had her. She’s still there and always will be. We will forever be connected because we have an infinite connection. She has left an indelible mark upon my soul, and I will forever carry her with me.
Here is my heartfelt message to my fellow fur parents:
Dear Fur baby parent,
If you have lost a pet, and you are feeling empty, alone, sad, angry, or numb, I truly understand. My heart touches your heart, even as you are reading this message. This process can be all consuming emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. But, you are not alone. There is a saying I created: “When you feel “alone” always remember we are “all-one.”
Because of Koa, and the many other pets I have lost, including my little Gray Cheek Parrot “TJ”, I understand this pain and suffering. I have helped several family members, friends and clients through this kind of grieving process. One thing I learned most is that you can never underestimate the loss of a pet. Hurt and grief have no barriers, it just is, and each person’s process through healing is unique.
The reason I became a Certified Holistic Wellness Coach specializing in grief and loss was because of Koa. I did not realize this when I began my training, but when she passed I felt deep in my heart that I needed to help others. This is why I am dedicated to helping people suffering from the loss of a pet. Needing support and guidance through grief of a pet is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. You and I both know first hand how real this pain is - it does hurt, and it does take time to process.
Please know that you do not need to suffer alone. I am here to help, to guide, to support, and to give you all the tools I use to support others, and that helped me heal and continue to help me everyday.
Reach out, and together we will build a new way toward a new day.
May Love Surround You Always,
Kelli
Contact info:
Cell: (626) 367-2607
Email: KBfitUBfit@gmail.com
