“I am a Raging Sea Trapped Inside of a Raindrop”
~Author Unknown
Photo Credit Geetanjal-Khanna
Have you ever found yourself stuck in a life routine, feeling trapped and disconnected? Thinking you have control over your day and time and yet, it’s the same routine no matter how often you promise yourself in the morning, “today I’m going to do things differently!”
Somehow the comfort of the “hamster wheel” is so much more appealing than trying to get out of the spinning cycle. The paralysis of the repetitive patterns create a false sense of safety and security. Yet, it is this exact thinking that keeps us from growing into what we are capable of being - who we truly are. I mean, really, how many times have you had this awesome idea or dream and stopped when it became uncomfortable? YEP! Been there, done that...hundreds of times!
Why is this? Why does the comfortable routine, no matter how miserable, feel safer than taking that leap of faith? Why is it “easier” to keep doing what we’ve always done and keep getting what we don’t want, knowing we are in this “raging sea” being thrown, tumbled and swept within the endless undercurrents? Why is our mental pattern so much stronger than our will to push the pause button, reconnect to our authentic selves, and then move toward our life’s purpose.
Let me tell you, I hear you, I feel you, I see you, and...I am you! On the outside, you wouldn’t guess that at all. You might think that I have it all together, “Kelli must be physically, mentally, and spiritually balanced because she is a Certified Personal Fitness Trainer, Master Yoga Teacher, and a Certified Holistic Wellness Coach.”
However, truth be told, while I am all of these things, and while I continue to heal and grow myself in order to help heal people like me, like you, I understand the struggle of taking that first step, and then the next, and then next, from my own personal journey of healing.
Here is part of my truth: I am also sometimes stuck in a routine of overexercising, eating the same things everyday, running from challenges, or fears, or avoiding areas of growth and healing. There are times when I will do almost anything to distract myself rather than facing the loneliness and sadness that I experience at times for not being where I thought I would be at 51 years old.
There are days where I have a difficult time letting go of perfectionism and self critical thinking. There are times where I get lost in wondering why I don’t have a partner or children, or why I don’t own my own home, or feel financially secure at times.
Like many people, I can fall into a negative thinking pattern that I need to be more or do more in order to be worthy of receiving even one of these things. Or, that I am being punished by “God” because I am not doing what I “should be” doing. I am not enough of that “good girl.” If I only make the right choices then finally my blessings will come to me.
My inner gremlins chatter these falsaties, “Just pray, go to church, be good and kind and all you have ever dreamed of will magically appear.” Well, F*** that! I did all of that and not one thing came into fruition! I have learned that God is not a Keebler Elf in the sky just waiting to grant me my pot of gold once I am good enough.
Here is what I’ve learned...
I am good enough just as I am in this very moment. I am loved, not in spite of my challenges, but because I am worthy of love. Worthy of being valued. Worthy of following my destiny. I am worthy as I am.
It has taken decades to come to this realization. My own path was lined with both laughter and tears, and yes, some “F-bombs” now and then. Unless we dig deep and lean into courage, we will never truly see what needs to be healed and grown within us. It is not always easy to discover what is blocking our paths, what is hurting our hearts. No one is exempt from this challenging process, no matter what mask they may be hiding behind. And, it is a process of learning as we go - not one of us has the same destiny or path.
So what is this path? Is it the yellow brick road? Well, sort of. While I can’t promise ruby slippers, I will say that there will be guides that will help you - your own Tin Man, Scarecrow, and Lion. And, I am not going to sugar coat this, yes, there will be flying monkeys as well.
Your unique path is within you. As Glenda the Good Witch says, “You’ve always had the power within you my dear.” Each of us is born with our beautiful authentic self. However, most of us grow up with those pesky gremlin voices telling us we are not good enough. Our parents and families, churches and schools, though often well meaning, tell us what we “need” to be in order to gain acceptance and love. As a result, many people, myself included, begin to abandon our authentic selves in order to please the people around us.
Here is a message that we all need to hear: WE NEED TO RELOCATE OUR AUTHENTIC SELF, OUR PATH!
It’s always been there in our hearts, as children we knew it, many of us knew why we were special, though, some of you reading this right now may have been brought up in an abusive system where you never really got to know that authentic core self. We either lost our path because the world took our innocence away, or someone stomped out the magic, or through a series of hurtful interactions we began to doubt our specialness.
My passion is to help hurting people heal from the trauma and tumultuous patterns, the destructive habits, and the stinking thinking that influences one’s behaviors. It is an honor to help my clients gently lean in with less fear and challenge the messages that keep that precious person stuck in their pain, that tells them that everything is “hunky dory” even when they know inside of their heart that it is not.
Let me help you find it again, deep in your heart. You, my friend, are a unique “raindrop”, special in every way. In fact, I created the title for this blog because while we are all unique, we are not alone in this human “sea”, we are connected in more ways than we can even imagine. You do not have to stay stuck and alone, I am here to help you.
Here are a few supportive tips, from my heart to your own, that have helped me swirl out of the raging sea, and the stormy currents, so that I could ride the waves and change with the tide. A saying I love is by Jon Kabot-Zinn, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf.”
Journaling- When you first begin to journal, it may feel overwhelming, awkward, and downright uncomfortable to share your feelings on paper. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of writing out the wounds. Examining the chatter that is holding you back from the truth, and putting pen to paper so you can see it, read through it, and truly feel it is an act of courage and healing. Just write, don’t judge, no corrections, just grab a pen and a special journal and write from your heart.
Meditation- If you’re thinking, “Oh no, not this, I can never get my mind to settle down and shut up!” Well, welcome to my tribe! You aren’t supposed to! Do I hear a “HIP HIP HOORAY?” Meditation can be as simple as following your breathing.
Begin by feeling your belly expand on the inhales and draw in on the exhales. You can be seated or lying down. Once you get into the groove, begin to follow your breath entering your nose, going down your throat, expanding your belly, back, and chest. Then as you exhale, follow the breath emptying your belly, drawing your belly button gently in, softening the shoulders as your breath draws up the throat, and out through your nose. Continue for 1-3 minutes softening your body and feeling as if you are being breathed into. Relaxing and allowing any thoughts to simply rise up...hear them, see them, but don’t engage, just allow them to float on by.
As you practice, it becomes more and more relaxing. Just be patient, be kind to yourself, soften every muscle, every bone, every organ and just be….
Yoga- You do not have to have experience in yoga to benefit from the practice. There are gentle, restorative videos online if you are new to yoga. Or, you can work with a teacher in person or via Zoom. I love being of support to people who are new, or returning to yoga. Every size, shape and age is welcome. Reach out if you have any questions. Just moving the body with the breath while stretching into yourself is so freeing. This small act of self care is a gift you give to your authentic self, you are connecting back to who you are and who you are meant to be.
Go out in nature- Being outside for walks, especially barefoot, and touching the earth is so profoundly healing. It connects you back to the roots of what you are made of! Isn’t it fascinating that we are all made of the same elements and minerals as the earth, and the stars, and the creatures surrounding us. Being within this brings you back to what you are, reminding you of where you come from. This practice will increase self compassion and compassion for others.
Taking a few minutes to practice even just one of the above suggestions will bring you back in touch with your heart center and allow you to see the raging patterns for what they are: fear of letting change in. Once you slowly begin to stretch out of stuck patterns, you will see it’s not so scary after all and, that yes, you can do this!
Having a support system or someone to confide in and help you gently stay accountable is also crucial for riding your wave without being overwhelmed by the ride. If you feel that personal support to locate your patterns, find the root, and heal in order to create more ease and flow in your life would be a helpful support during this season, then I am here for you and welcome the opportunity to work with you.
As a Certified Holistic Wellness Coach I weave in various practices and modalities and fine tune them to each and every unique client. I am dedicated to walking with you as you relocate your path and move toward a more authentic and joyful life. Reach out, I am here.
May Love Surround You Always,
Kelli
Contact info:
Cell - (626)367-2607
Email - KBfitUBfit@gmail.com
